I love my boys, but sometimes.... on occasion...they drive me crazy! At some point in the next few years I want to have another one, but my patience has truly been lacking. I feel like I need to learn how to teach my children Christlike attributes, how to make good choices, and put patience into practice for myself. I think once I have a plan and start practicing patience more, it will become me.
Thus said, I was reading a talk called "What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?" by Lynn G. Robbins recommended by my mother and a friend. It was just what I was looking for!!! I have picked this talk to pieces trying to figure out what I am supposed to do. I would like to share with you what I have taken away from this talk.
The talk is based off the fact that we should teach our children to "be". He says, "Because be begets do and is the motive behind do, teaching be will improve behavior more effectively than focusing on do will improve behavior." This line is what made me really want to study this talk. After reading this, I feel like I need to recognize when Nathan and Blake do something good and praise then on who they on instead of what they did. For example, we have been going down to the pool a lot this summer and Nathan was pretty scared of the water at first, but he has slowly made his way in and is now swimming with his face in the water. Before I would say, "Good job, that's good!". I have now started saying, "Wow, Nathan you are so brave for swimming with your face in the water." I have really tried to talk about "who" he is rather than what he is "doing". Another example is Nathan is not being nice to Blake so I send him to timeout. I go to his room and say, "Blake looks up to you because you are a nice brother" and leave it at that. Lynn G. Robbins says we could also, "Ask the child what he or she learned from the mistake or misdeed, which gives you, and more important, the Spirit an opportunity to touch and teach the child." I will admit, I am still learning for sure! For me some days it is all I can do to just keep from screaming at them and I think that is good. Other days I just don't have time to think about it and just talk about what he "does", and that is better. But Lynn G. Robbins says, " In helping children discover who they are and helping strengthen their self-worth, we can appropriately compliment their achievement or behavior—the do. But it would be even wiser to focus our primary praise on their character and beliefs—who they are."
I know that as I "do" my part as a mother, I will "become" the mother I want to be.
While I do agree with and understand the premise of the talk referenced here; I find that it cannot be a perfect map to follow. When teaching my children, especially my oldest who is almost 7, I feel that I need to discuss choices more than using the 'be' words/ideals. The older they get I feel we need to look at the 'do' ideals as they are developing and learning how to make choices. When discussing behavior we often talk about making good choices over bad choices. I feel that the talk wants us to use the "do" vocabulary for negative situations and "be" vocabulary for positive situations. This may work well for younger children but I feel that as children get older and begin making choices we need to use the verbage regarding choices and the things they 'do'. I want Nathan to own up and when looking back at a situation decide whether he has made a good or bad choice. From there we can discuss what is positive or negative and what we may be able to do in the future.
ReplyDelete