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Who we as mothers ARE

I love my boys, but sometimes.... on occasion...they drive me crazy! At some point in the next few years I want to have another one, but my patience has truly been lacking. I feel like I need to learn how to teach my children Christlike attributes, how to make good choices, and put patience into practice for myself. I think once I have a plan and start practicing patience more, it will become me.

Thus said, I was reading a talk called "What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?" by Lynn G. Robbins recommended by my mother and a friend. It was just what I was looking for!!! I have picked this talk to pieces trying to figure out what I am supposed to do. I would like to share with you what I have taken away from this talk.

The talk is based off the fact that we should teach our children to "be". He says, "Because be begets do and is the motive behind do, teaching be will improve behavior more effectively than focusing on do will improve behavior." This line is what made me really want to study this talk. After reading this, I feel like I need to recognize when Nathan and Blake do something good and praise then on who they on instead of what they did. For example, we have been going down to the pool a lot this summer and Nathan was pretty scared of the water at first, but he has slowly made his way in and is now swimming with his face in the water. Before I would say, "Good job, that's good!". I have now started saying, "Wow, Nathan you are so brave for swimming with your face in the water." I have really tried to talk about "who" he is rather than what he is "doing". Another example is Nathan is not being nice to Blake so I send him to timeout. I go to his room and say, "Blake looks up to you because you are a nice brother" and leave it at that. Lynn G. Robbins says we could also, "Ask the child what he or she learned from the mistake or misdeed, which gives you, and more important, the Spirit an opportunity to touch and teach the child." I will admit, I am still learning for sure! For me some days it is all I can do to just keep from screaming at them and I think that is good. Other days I just don't have time to think about it and just talk about what he "does", and that is better. But Lynn G. Robbins says, " In helping children discover who they are and helping strengthen their self-worth, we can appropriately compliment their achievement or behavior—the do. But it would be even wiser to focus our primary praise on their character and beliefs—who they are."

I know that as I "do" my part as a mother, I will "become" the mother I want to be.

Dreams a Mother Shouldn't Have

I have had quite a few dreams in my life that have stuck with me and probably always will. I had a dream in 5th grade that I was much older (probably as old as I am now) and in a kitchen, which appeared to be mine, I was baking Christmas sugar cookies. I looked out of the kitchen to a living room where I saw a Christmas tree in the corner and two little girls, close in age. As they bent beneath the tree they grabbed identical packages and ran to a man with dark hair sitting with his back to me in a recliner. The girls echoed one another, "Daddy can you open help us open these, please." At the time I thought this dream gave me some magical insight into who I would marry in the future.

There are a thousand books out there that explain dreams. Why we have them, what they mean, what can trigger dreams. There are even books that claim to help you dream about things you want to dream about. Though I have not studied these books I feel that I simply have an over active imagination and that sometimes creates very vivid, recognizable dreams.

Last week my older daughter was sick with some sort of a summer virus that she caught from her older brother. She had very high fevers and vomiting. The following dream ensued:

I was in my parents' house, in my childhood bedroom. I was looking out the window of the two story house and saw my husband standing below in his dark blue, pinstripe suit. I was banging on the window with both fists, tears erupting from my face. I was sad, hurt, angry and completely devastated. I knew that out daughter had died. My body heaved against the window as I slammed my fists, fighting. My husband sent my mom to talk to me about the loss of our daughter. My mom came in the room and sat on the dark green comforter that draped over the bed. She tried to calm me, to force me to look at the future, to acknowledge what I already knew. Then her words came, "You know where she is now. You know that she has time to prepare." I didn't want to acknowledge all that I feel to be true about the atonement and our life after this world. I simply wanted my baby back. I began yelling, "I don't care, I don't care..."

At that point I awoke from my dream. I ran up to my daughter's room to check on her. Sure enough she was burning from a fever but sleeping. I know that my deep concern is what evoked this dream. I went back down to my room. I sat in my bed and cried myself back to sleep.

Mother's should not have dreams like these. Unfortunately I have had three dreams like this. The first time I dreamed my son had died - a chilling dream that will never leave my memory and twice I have had a dream that my oldest daughter had died. Each time I have awoken from these dreams I have a new resolve to love and cherish the children I have for as long as I shall have them.

Meet Jenny

I grew up in Arlington, TX. I lived there from the time I was 1 until I graduated from high school. I am the oldest of 4 children. I am very blessed to have two amazing parents. They worked very hard to make sure that we could all reach our full potential. Often times this meant postponing things that they wanted for themselves.

Growing up I played high school softball, sang in the choir (though i'm not the best singer), participated in a church youth group, and worked as both a sonic car hop and a YMCA camp counselor. I met my husband, Jordan, when I was 16. We were a part of the same church youth group. Jordan and I immediately took to each other. I never really felt as if I was with someone that I just met. I was able to be myself without thinking about it. I knew he liked me when he hit me in the mouth while doing the YMCA dance (causing me to bleed everywhere). He still swears it was an accident- right Jordan. Once we graduated, we went our separate ways, Jordan on a church mission to the Dominican Republic and me to pursue a bachelors degree in physical education. We kept in touch through letters. When he completed his 2 year church mission in 2000, we continued to keep in touch. We soon decided that we wanted to be married, but also knew that I wanted to complete my degree. So, we waited. Finally, in June 2002 after what seemed like forever we were married.

We immediately moved to Greensboro, NC so that he could attend UNC Greensboro. I got a job teaching elementary physical education at two local schools. In June 2003 we moved to Raleigh, so that Jordan could attend to NC State University to complete his bachelors degree in statistics. I was lucky to find a job teaching PE and coaching softball at a local high school. In January 2008 our daughter Gracie was born. I stopped teaching so that I could take care of her. I am grateful that I was able to be a teacher. It taught me a lot about myself. In fact, I still miss it sometimes, but I am very grateful to be able to stay home with Gracie. It might sound crazy but I have just as much fun doing puzzles or using play dough as I did teaching kids how to shoot a basketball.

In 2009, Jordan accepted a job in Asheville, NC. Moving here has been a wonderful blessing for me. I am really lucky to have made many great friends here. We have enjoyed the mountains, the small towns nearby, the fall weather, and most of all the people. We will be moving back to Raleigh in the near future so the Jordan can pursue another job. I may have only spent a short time here but Asheville will always feel like a home to me.

Meet Amelia

I am a mother of two boys with another on the way. I grew up in a small town in the west. I am the second youngest in a family of four children. My parents divorced when I was three years old and consequently I learned at a very young age to fend for myself as I was the only girl. My mom worked very hard to support us and I know it is because of her dedication and prayers that I am who I am today. We did however spend time with my father because my mom felt it was important that we have a relationship with him and I believe he tried the best he knew how to be a good dad. I learned a lot from him, among which was a love of hard work and the outdoors.

As long as I can remember I have had jobs to do, whether it was taking care of a wide variety of pets and helping with the house and yard work, to a paper route, telecommunications, fast food, production, house cleaning and mail carrier to name a few. I love nature and would often drive up in the mountains in my spare time and take pictures and hike.

In May of 2001, when I was 19, I met my wonderful husband Andy and we were married six months later. Soon after our marriage he started his long educational journey in the medical field while working full-time. In 2004 we decided to have our first child who we named Drew. We were so excited and he brought so much joy to our lives. I quit my job as a mail carrier to stay home with him because I was determined to give my kids what I wasn't able to have growing up. Two years later we had Nicholas and life was good. We felt so blessed to have two wonderful boys.

In December of 2006 Andy finished his Associates in Nursing and two years later his Bachelor's in Nursing. The day after Christmas in 2008 we loaded up the kids and what was left of our belongings, said goodbye to our families and headed East to Asheville, North Carolina where Andy would start his Master's in Nurse Anesthesia. We arrived at our new place on New Year's Eve. Little did we know how hard this program would be, but with only six months left we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Out of all the jobs I have had I would have to say that I love being a mother most of all. It is by far the hardest but most rewarding thing I have ever done and I am excited to be able to have another little boy in December. I am grateful for my amazing husband. I wouldn't be able to do what I do without his love and support.

Meet Heather

I will be 28 in a week in a half. I have four sisters and one brother (poor kid) I am the second oldest. I always wanted to be a pastry chef growing up. When I graduated in 2001 from high school I had the opportunity to join the army. They were going to pay for all my school and I would be a cook. I left for basic training on September 14, 2001. This did not make my mom very happy.

I met my husband the summer of 2002 and we were married the end of December. Two weeks after we were married I found out that my unit was deploying to Iraq. Needless to say we got pregnant immediately. Tyler was born in October and we had just moved to Clemson were Thomas stared his to earn his degree (notice I still had not gone to school). I supported the family with babysitting and Thomas would work during the summer to help our savings. After a bad miscarriage we were able to get pregnant with Ainslee. Four months after she was born my unit was getting ready to deploy. I tried to find a way out without having to get pregnant (that is too close together for me). I could not find a way out and Thomas was left to care for the kids. We learned alot that year. I learned how to teach him how to take care of the kids over the phone and he learned how to not stress over everything. I think Thomas turned into a better father that year and I grew alot being able to strengthen spiritually and physically.

When I returned home we moved to a small town named Springfield, GA. We loved it there and thought we were done moving. Little did we know he would lose his job while I was really pregnant with our third baby Connor. We found a temporary job in North Augusta, SC for 6 months doing landscaping for the church. We knew it was not going to be permanent. When he found the job in Asheville we were so excited. We love the mountains and always wanted to live here.

Now I am done with the military and looking to FINALLY start school with a degree in nursing. I am grateful to be a mom to my three sweet kids. They are my life and I cannot imagine life without them in it.

Meet Tonya

I was born and raised in a small farming community about thirty minutes outside Lansing, Michigan - though I should mention that we were not farmers. I knew at the age of 9 that I was going to be an attorney and all of my thoughts and focus put me on that path. While in high school I began working for two attorneys as a receptionist and secretary. I had plans to go out west for college but instead ended up at Michigan State University in James Madison College, a residential college specializing in public affairs. During the course of my education I began to change my career outlook to social work rather than becoming an attorney.

I had always feared that I would never get married. I had never had a boyfriend (other than a boy I held hands with in first grade and a different boy in fifth grade) and didn't have any experience dating. Ever heard the saying, "sweet sixteen and never been kissed"? Well, when sweet 20 came rolling around I was distraught. I married at the ripe old age of 21 to my best friend, Ryan, and yes, I am married to the only guy I have ever kissed.

After Ryan and I both graduated from James Madison College in 2004 we had our first child, Nathan. In December 2004 we moved to Florida where Ryan began law school. During this time I opened a licensed home daycare. At the conclusion of law school Ryan decided he wanted to further his education and we moved to Miami, FL where he received a masters of law in taxation and we welcomed our second child, Audrey. Despite a weak economy we were lucky enough to be offered one position which happened to be in Asheville, North Carolina and we gratefully accepted.

After Audrey's second birthday I discovered a mass growing on her back under her left shoulder blade. Consequently (or not) the same day I discovered I was pregnant with our third child. Within a short time, it was determined the mass was a malignant Rhabdoid tumor. After the tumor removal we began a very difficult schedule of chemotherapy and radiation. Audrey completed her chemotherapy the same day her baby sister, Elysse, was born - May 28, 2010. Audrey is now in remission.

I love being a mother, it defines me. I am so grateful to be married to such a wonderful man that loves and supports me in my efforts to be home with our children. I know with today's economy there are many mothers that are financially unable to stay at home with their children. There are many aspects of the workforce that I miss and think that one day I may again be apart of; but, for this season I cherish the time I can spend with my children.